Saturday, 6 December 2014

Creating attachment

      Since last year, I teach two little children. Nico was five years all and his sister, Laura, was nine. At first, they looked at me with uncertainties, do not sure if they can trust me or not. I used to take them home from school and teaching them English, I was trying to be close to them too.

      Nico, the young brother, started creating attachment quickly than his sister. He started by holding my hand, or showing me little things, his “treasures”, when leaving school. He used to trust me little by little, until he took me more confidence and he asked me lots of questions about everything, my life, what I was doing, what I was studying... And I answered all his questions.

      What did happen and I didn't realize until it was too late? Laura, his sister, began to be jealous. She thought I prefer her brother rather than her. She didn’t see all my efforts to be close to her, she only saw that Nico had created some kind of attachment with me and she wanted it too. But Laura is a very locked and proud girl. She always challenged my authority and rarely let me get close to her. I was really worried, Laura was a very tough little person to deal with.

      Who would have thought that the solution would be so simple? Well, not so simple, but very effective in these moment and the months after. It was Christmas, my mother told me “Beatriz, you should give something to the children, thus Laura may like it and she could see you from another point of view. And perhaps, even if it sounds silly, it can make you closest”.

      I followed my mother advice and it worked. After this experiment, I could say that both mothers and chocolate are the solution to everything. At least the huge majority of things. 

      I give some chocolate to them, and surprisingly it worked. Nico increased attachment he felt for me. So did Laura, but she felt another type of attachment. She was closest, but she didn’t trust me at all. And I didn’t realize about it until this year.
      It has been over a year since that day we met each other. And Nico has created a very strong attachment for me, he needs my approval when he does things right, he tell me all the things he consider important to him, and so on. One thing very interesting is that he needs to be in touch, always close to me, holding my hand, sitting right next to me or sharing some confidential words or little secrets. He is only six years old, but I’m sure he has a secure attachment.

      Instead, I think Laura has an insecure attachment. This year, when I started to teach them again, it was like we were two perfect strangers. The attachment we created last year had been lost; I couldn't found it. Laura was once more distant, defiant, so far away from me…

      One again I need to start from zero and create again attachment between us. It isn’t easy; Laura doesn’t make it easy at all. I think she needs more tests and demonstrations to trust someone. In my opinion, her defensive character is an indicator of an elusive or insecure character. I’m still working with her, creating again attachment, and hoping that, when the school course finish, this time the attachment between us will last till next year.

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